Funquamcem is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, kind frog.

Funquamcem created life three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Funquamcem, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Funquamcem, she will turn you into a hamster.

Funquamcem's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Funquamcem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Never pray while filled with joy.

3. Always make sure there are no swans in a room before entering it.

4. Do not name children after sharks.

5. Never think about thermodynamics.