Sinqueegstik is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, unsympathetic wren.

Sinqueegstik created a Higgs boson four billion years ago.

If you believe in Sinqueegstik, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Sinqueegstik, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Sinqueegstik's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Sinqueegstik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill gulls.

2. Never feed aubergines to birds while wearing hats.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.