Konkanhak Sistinhimcedvedstigsitlam is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, omnipotent slug.

Konkanhak Sistinhimcedvedstigsitlam created the planet Jupiter four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Konkanhak Sistinhimcedvedstigsitlam, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Konkanhak Sistinhimcedvedstigsitlam, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Konkanhak Sistinhimcedvedstigsitlam's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Konkanhak Sistinhimcedvedstigsitlam's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about optics.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Konkanhak Sistinhimcedvedstigsitlam on top of all buildings.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Always look after injured great tits.