Rawmetjon is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, staggering monkey.

Rawmetjon created a quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Rawmetjon, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Rawmetjon, she will destroy your home solar system.

Rawmetjon's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Rawmetjon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak sacred words in summer.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never point your feet toward the east during prayer.

4. Never fashion tools from wood.

5. Never pour water over plants.