Tunflabfum is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, omniscient bird.

Tunflabfum created an up quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Tunflabfum, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tunflabfum, it will come to you in dreams.

Tunflabfum's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Tunflabfum's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Tunflabfum.

3. You must never eat parsnips.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Always share lentils with strangers, but never with pigs.