Tonmismif is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, selfish lobster.

Tonmismif created the universe nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonmismif, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Tonmismif, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Tonmismif's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Tonmismif's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant violet sculpture of Tonmismif in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Never talk about solid mechanics near otters while wearing black tights.

4. Do not prepare spinach while filled with anger.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tonmismif.