Hadzancutpang is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, selfish goblin.

Hadzancutpang created the planet Venus six million years ago.

If you believe in Hadzancutpang, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Hadzancutpang, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Hadzancutpang's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Hadzancutpang's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about gravity near dogs while wearing gray hats and balancing six tin spheres on your feet.

2. Always help otters.

3. Never eat parsnips.

4. Never mention aardvarks.

5. Retreat if four foxes approach from the west.