Besspaslitgab is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, duplicitous hedgehog.

Besspaslitgab created Europe six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Besspaslitgab, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Besspaslitgab, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Besspaslitgab's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Besspaslitgab's Holy Commandments

1. Never run in summer.

2. Never think about dark energy near shrews while wearing turquoise shoes and balancing three lead spheres on your face.

3. Do not fashion sacred items from bone.

4. Never bounce in the presence of elders.

5. Never write about moons.