Listfatgem Flampomcap is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, overgenerous dryad.

Listfatgem Flampomcap created an up quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Listfatgem Flampomcap, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Listfatgem Flampomcap, he will try to impress you with rainbows.

Listfatgem Flampomcap's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Listfatgem Flampomcap's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Do not place pineapples upon stone.

3. Never eat gooseberries on fasting days.

4. Always maintain obedience during days of mourning.

5. Do not prepare parsnips while wearing kilts.