Lidkanrig Betlimvig Jarnsigfet is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, wise monkey.

Lidkanrig Betlimvig Jarnsigfet created the planet Mars nine million years ago.

If you believe in Lidkanrig Betlimvig Jarnsigfet, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Lidkanrig Betlimvig Jarnsigfet, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Lidkanrig Betlimvig Jarnsigfet's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Lidkanrig Betlimvig Jarnsigfet's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Never think about the strong nuclear force near gulls while wearing yellow stockings and balancing five silver spheres on your hands.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Lidkanrig Betlimvig Jarnsigfet.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.