Logfoncunwee is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, witless coyote.

Logfoncunwee created Asia three billion years ago.

If you believe in Logfoncunwee, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Logfoncunwee, it will turn you into a rat.

Logfoncunwee's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Logfoncunwee's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into magenta rooms.

2. Always remove hats before touching silicon.

3. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a building before entering it.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.