Wodkempom is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, amazing unicorn.

Wodkempom created a top quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wodkempom, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Wodkempom, he will come to you in dreams.

Wodkempom's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Wodkempom's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never allow squirrels to sleep beneath your roof.

3. Do not take Wodkempom's name in vain.

4. Never eat nuts.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.