Zenquagpak is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, slow bird.

Zenquagpak created the Sun seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Zenquagpak, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Zenquagpak, she will send minions to preach to you.

Zenquagpak's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Zenquagpak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not utter prayers while touching silicon.

2. Never feed lots of nuts to doves while wearing turquoise stockings.

3. Do not gather at towers at dusk.

4. Never travel toward the north during autumn.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.