Cartagdud is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, conceited deer.

Cartagdud created time and space four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cartagdud, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Cartagdud, he will turn you into a goat.

Cartagdud's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Cartagdud's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Cartagdud in the centre of the settlement.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Worship no other gods but Cartagdud.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.