Cappitflispastabarmyik is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, self-confident bat.

Cappitflispastabarmyik created the Whirlpool Galaxy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cappitflispastabarmyik, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Cappitflispastabarmyik, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Cappitflispastabarmyik's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Cappitflispastabarmyik's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about quantum gravity.

2. Never write about bacteria.

3. Do not sit in public.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of iron.

5. Always help ants.