Bitdogbonk is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, unsympathetic jaguar.

Bitdogbonk created the world two billion years ago.

If you believe in Bitdogbonk, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bitdogbonk, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Bitdogbonk's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Bitdogbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no mites in a building before entering it.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Pray only in firelight.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Never laugh in autumn.