Nabtabhin is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, happy sheep.

Nabtabhin created parasitic wasps two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nabtabhin, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Nabtabhin, she will remove you from existence.

Nabtabhin's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Nabtabhin's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

2. Do not name children after dolphins.

3. Never think about ultrasonics near monkeys while wearing white boots and balancing six zinc spheres on your legs.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Nabtabhin.

5. Never look in ponds.