Vigragwigfem is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, prudent monkey.

Vigragwigfem created Mount Everest five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vigragwigfem, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Vigragwigfem, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Vigragwigfem's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Vigragwigfem's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not shave your face.

3. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.

4. Always obey Vigragwigfem's priests.

5. You must pray to Vigragwigfem eight times a day.