Nilstikpark is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, merciless jackal.

Nilstikpark created dark matter eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Nilstikpark, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Nilstikpark, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Nilstikpark's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Nilstikpark's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather nine porpoises in one place.

2. Never sit near swans.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate grasshopers.

4. Nilstikpark loves pigs, so they must be respected.

5. Always face the east before speaking sacred words.