Tailcapvog Sugcemfed is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, ill-tempered lobster.

Tailcapvog Sugcemfed created the planet Earth nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tailcapvog Sugcemfed, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Tailcapvog Sugcemfed, he will ignore you.

Tailcapvog Sugcemfed's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Tailcapvog Sugcemfed's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear carbon on your body.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Tailcapvog Sugcemfed.

4. Do not step barefoot upon gray earth.

5. Never hurt nematodes.