Japmipjat Fadzakfon Pib is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, passionate finch.

Japmipjat Fadzakfon Pib created an atom nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Japmipjat Fadzakfon Pib, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Japmipjat Fadzakfon Pib, she will turn you into a goat.

Japmipjat Fadzakfon Pib's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Japmipjat Fadzakfon Pib's Holy Commandments

1. Never pray while filled with joy.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never cross crossroads at dusk.

4. Never discuss cell theory in public assemblies.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Japmipjat Fadzakfon Pib.