Hotgarlak is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, grumpy porpoise.

Hotgarlak created a photon four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hotgarlak, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Hotgarlak, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Hotgarlak's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Hotgarlak's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with patience.

2. Never talk about gravity near dolphins while wearing black trousers.

3. Never speak at dawn.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Always cleanse water with water.