Vaghenjon is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, self-assured mole.

Vaghenjon created snails eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vaghenjon, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Vaghenjon, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Vaghenjon's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Vaghenjon's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed cherries to dolphins while wearing tights.

2. Never sit in the presence of pigs.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Vaghenjon must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Pray towards the north.