Quafjiprip is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, annoying tapir.

Quafjiprip created life nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quafjiprip, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Quafjiprip, he will laugh at you.

Quafjiprip's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Quafjiprip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not resist chaos.

2. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Never tolerate cries in holy places.

4. Never write about eukaryotes.

5. Pray only in darkness.