Kenquimnan is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, thoughtless penguin.

Kenquimnan created a down quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Kenquimnan, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Kenquimnan, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Kenquimnan's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Kenquimnan's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate voles.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Kenquimnan.

3. Kenquimnan must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never stain your back with fawn.

5. Do not shave your head.