Vagzakkin is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, fussy badger.

Vagzakkin created Asia eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vagzakkin, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Vagzakkin, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Vagzakkin's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Vagzakkin's Holy Commandments

1. Vagzakkin loves tortoises, so they must be honoured.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Always treat capybaras with great respect.

4. Never jump in the presence of aardvarks.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.