Tonjatwee is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, resourceful rhinoceros.

Tonjatwee created a top quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonjatwee, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Tonjatwee, he will turn you into a slug.

Tonjatwee's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Tonjatwee's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

3. Always wear purple.

4. Never eat carrots.

5. Never wear blue shorts.