Bantalzag Bessgatcip is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, selfish lobster.

Bantalzag Bessgatcip created humankind three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bantalzag Bessgatcip, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bantalzag Bessgatcip, she will destroy your favourite star.

Bantalzag Bessgatcip's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Bantalzag Bessgatcip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak of dark energy near sacred fires.

2. Do not laugh at mountains.

3. Run away if eight goats approach from the west.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Bantalzag Bessgatcip on top of all buildings.