Bassjatxinneg is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, pitiless goblin.

Bassjatxinneg created the solar system three million years ago.

If you believe in Bassjatxinneg, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bassjatxinneg, he will turn you into a sheep.

Bassjatxinneg's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Bassjatxinneg's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat tomatoes.

2. Do not count beyond three during ceremonies.

3. Feed all hungry dogs.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Do not shave your hands.