Quatmitgun is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, staggering aardvark.

Quatmitgun created the Andromeda Galaxy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quatmitgun, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Quatmitgun, he will throw large rocks at you.

Quatmitgun's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Quatmitgun's Holy Commandments

1. Never run in the presence of elders.

2. Always remove shorts before entering holy places.

3. Do not prepare cherries while wearing tights.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Do not wear nickel on your body.