Madtailvon is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, awe-inspiring chinchilla.

Madtailvon created Europe four million years ago.

If you believe in Madtailvon, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Madtailvon, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Madtailvon's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Madtailvon's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Madtailvon nine times a day.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Put Madtailvon first in all things.

5. Do not wear turquoise clothing.