Bitquamartmon Bafpibbop is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, sage alligator.

Bitquamartmon Bafpibbop created light eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bitquamartmon Bafpibbop, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bitquamartmon Bafpibbop, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Bitquamartmon Bafpibbop's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Bitquamartmon Bafpibbop's Holy Commandments

1. Never fashion tools from stone.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

3. Hide if five ducks approach from the west.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never wear turquoise coats on sacred days.