Hatfaggessrig is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, smart narwhal.

Hatfaggessrig created a quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Hatfaggessrig, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Hatfaggessrig, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Hatfaggessrig's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Hatfaggessrig's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat lentils.

2. Never travel toward the south during summer.

3. Always make sure there are no pigs in a building before entering it.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Never prepare turnips during winter.