Lapfenben is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, narcissistic centaur.

Lapfenben created Asia three billion years ago.

If you believe in Lapfenben, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Lapfenben, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Lapfenben's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Lapfenben's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion sacred items from stone.

2. Never touch ash while unclean.

3. Never gather nine voles in one place.

4. Never speak of order in the presence of elders.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.