Begbignarl is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, temperamental salamander.

Begbignarl created life five billion years ago.

If you believe in Begbignarl, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Begbignarl, he will turn you into a mole.

Begbignarl's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Begbignarl's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Begbignarl.

2. Never record names.

3. Hide from yellow swans for they are unholy.

4. Do not step barefoot upon blue earth.

5. Erect a giant carbon sculpture of Begbignarl in the centre of the settlement.