Hasbonkfem is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, uncaring cow.

Hasbonkfem created snails four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hasbonkfem, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Hasbonkfem, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Hasbonkfem's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Hasbonkfem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not prepare oranges while wearing hats.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Never wear red dresses on sacred days.

4. Do not place onions upon stone.

5. Never pray while filled with anger.