Tapmobzig is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, humorless swan.

Tapmobzig created tapeworms eight million years ago.

If you believe in Tapmobzig, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Tapmobzig, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Tapmobzig's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Tapmobzig's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from mauve voles for they are unholy.

2. Never talk about spacetime near sheep while wearing violet kilts.

3. Do not dye your hair blue.

4. Never think ill of sick mites.

5. Never think about the strong nuclear force near great tits while wearing black stockings and balancing seven tin spheres on your neck.