Tonsabstig is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, smart squirrel.

Tonsabstig created a top quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonsabstig, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Tonsabstig, it will turn you into a slug.

Tonsabstig's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Tonsabstig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never think ill of sick ducks.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.