Bemtimtail is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, unfair fly.

Bemtimtail created an electron six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bemtimtail, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Bemtimtail, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Bemtimtail's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Bemtimtail's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip in holy places.

2. Always help sick tapirs.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never think about gravity near snakes while wearing black kilts and balancing seven nickel spheres on your neck.

5. Ducks are not to be trusted.