Wotwapjad Sigwikvan is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, narcissistic rhinoceros.

Wotwapjad Sigwikvan created Africa eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Wotwapjad Sigwikvan, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Wotwapjad Sigwikvan, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Wotwapjad Sigwikvan's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Wotwapjad Sigwikvan's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Run away if four ants approach from the north.

4. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Wotwapjad Sigwikvan on top of all buildings.

5. Never wear corsets.