Pognelmif is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, confident hippopotamus.

Pognelmif created everything that exists six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pognelmif, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Pognelmif, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Pognelmif's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Pognelmif's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from magenta foxes, for they are unholy.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Never talk about optics near geese while wearing mauve jumpers.