Fitlamnutt is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, confident swallow.

Fitlamnutt created snails six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fitlamnutt, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Fitlamnutt, it will destroy your favourite star.

Fitlamnutt's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Fitlamnutt's Holy Commandments

1. Fitlamnutt loves monkeys, so they must be respected.

2. Hamsters are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Hide from brown shrews for they are unholy.

5. Do not drink water in white rooms.