Ventonkshav is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, fast sheep.

Ventonkshav created the planet Venus eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ventonkshav, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Ventonkshav, he will try to impress you with rainbows.

Ventonkshav's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Ventonkshav's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not shave your hands.

3. Hide if eight porpoises approach from the east.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Ventonkshav.

5. Never think about optics near snakes while wearing turquoise skirts and balancing five titanium spheres on your arms.