Fityarvid is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, idiotic crow.

Fityarvid created the Large Magellanic Cloud seven million years ago.

If you believe in Fityarvid, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Fityarvid, he will destroy your home solar system.

Fityarvid's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Fityarvid's Holy Commandments

1. Put Fityarvid first in all things.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Do not drink water in orange rooms.

4. Fityarvid must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never eat bark.