Witfencem is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, merciless jackal.

Witfencem created water seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Witfencem, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Witfencem, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Witfencem's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Witfencem's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Witfencem in the centre of the settlement.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Never talk about seals.

4. Always make sure there are no geese in a building before entering it.

5. Always make sure there are no tortoises in a room before entering it.