Fetcutcad Volmutwon Nurthabyarl is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, unthinking chinchilla.

Fetcutcad Volmutwon Nurthabyarl created the Large Magellanic Cloud seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fetcutcad Volmutwon Nurthabyarl, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Fetcutcad Volmutwon Nurthabyarl, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Fetcutcad Volmutwon Nurthabyarl's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Fetcutcad Volmutwon Nurthabyarl's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never wear violet shorts.

5. Fetcutcad Volmutwon Nurthabyarl loves swans, so they must be respected.