Hapjammig is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, witty snail.

Hapjammig created the Sombrero Galaxy three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hapjammig, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Hapjammig, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Hapjammig's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Hapjammig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about solid mechanics near mites while wearing yellow shoes.

2. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Hapjammig in the centre of the settlement.

3. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not shave your back.