Tapvilfum is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, clever hippopotamus.

Tapvilfum created a top quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Tapvilfum, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Tapvilfum, it will turn you into a plant.

Tapvilfum's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Tapvilfum's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not laugh in public.

3. Run away from brown turtles, for they are unholy.

4. Never talk about mice.

5. Feed all hungry dolphins.