Gesstigyarpbimrip is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, duplicitous gerbil.

Gesstigyarpbimrip created a Higgs boson two years ago.

If you believe in Gesstigyarpbimrip, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Gesstigyarpbimrip, it will turn you into a sparrow.

Gesstigyarpbimrip's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Gesstigyarpbimrip's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat parsnips.

2. Gesstigyarpbimrip loves dolphins, so they must be respected.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

4. Gesstigyarpbimrip loves snakes, so they must be honoured.

5. Always look after injured birds.