Jarnganhappop is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, annoying tapir.

Jarnganhappop created water twelve years ago.

If you believe in Jarnganhappop, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Jarnganhappop, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Jarnganhappop's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Jarnganhappop's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate mites.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Never feed pineapples to tortoises while wearing gray rings.

4. Never think about quantum mechanics.

5. Hide if nine monkeys approach from the north.